Responses to Peers

Week 5

Ryan Morgan

I like how each of the five sections is related to one another in that they are all about being nervous, scared, and excited. I think the first of the five is the strongest of them all because you delve a little more into detail in that one. I feel like the others could easily be expanded on, but they work well for the most part seeing as they are in a sequence. You could probably get away with combing the second and third pieces into one and adding a completely new piece in to further get across your feelings on what is happening in that moment.

Ignacio De Socarraz Novoa

This piece is nicely written and it gets your point across well, but I think you could expand upon it a little bit more. Maybe one or two more of you experiences or possible a family members that they have told you about that has faced similar instances such as the ones you already have written about? I think what you have here is great, but it could be so much better if there was a little more to it.

Luke Willemse

Your work here really paints a nice picture for the reader. I also like how each piece is sequenced into the next, you arrive in Philly, you arrive on campus, you are in the gym, and finally, you are about to start your first game. It gives the piece a feeling of anticipation, and right before we are about to reach the climax of the story and the anticipation is rising even higher than before, it ends, which works well. The final few lines I feel are the strongest and really drive home this nervous energy in the locker room. The captain is getting everyone hyped up and while they are, they are still nervous as shown by the shaking legs and heard by the heart beats.

Daniel Mosley

I really like what you've got here, the second one especially. I think a lot of us can relate to that in some form or another. Being an artist, it always makes me question whether my work or I myself am good enough when something I post gets little to no response. You put your heart and soul into this one thing for some many hours, days, months, whatever, and to have maybe one or two likes on it hurts. It may strive some to do better and work even harder at first, but if you get no recognition piece after piece after piece, many lose their drive and just give up. I also really enjoy the last line in the first paragraph in the third one about the guy with the annoying laugh. The way you worded it is fantastic, I can almost hear his laugh just by reading that line.

Ian Barrett

This is obviously a very serious topic and close to your heart, and I believe you did it justice in your writing and in getting your point across, but I do agree with what Jason said. If you were to just change some words and rearrange some of your sentences, I think you could have made this piece all the more stronger. It would have been great if you used some of your experiences or your father's and told it in a narrative as I think it would help people who might not have your struggle relate to, or at least recognize, it a little more.

Week 6

Ryan Morgan

You are clearly able to tell what your essay was about just by viewing the collage of pictures you posted, the subject being public schools versus private schools. The public schools are the more modern looking buildings and the ones without the uniforms, while the private schools usually have older architecture and do have uniforms, which is shown in the pictures. Your collage also shows a dollar sign, signifying that private schools are usually quite expensive. The picture of the woman looking at the private/public sign also helps show that your essay is about the comparing and contrasting elements of the two different types of schools.

Parth Bharwad

I can tell with both of your quotes and the pictures you provided that your essay was about someone making a big life changing decision. The blending of the two flags displays that someone is moving from one country to another and basically starting over in America. In the two quotes you posted, the main theme of them is curiosity. I get the feeling that you think curiosity is an important trait to have as it can lead to you discovering new and interesting things that you never would have thought about before. If you're not curious, you'll be stuck in the same routine every single day with no variation for the rest of your life.

Ignacio De Socarraz Novoa

The poem you posted is extremely interesting and is able to be related to by a large majority of people. The poem makes it seem as if bi-cultural people are sort of stuck on the border between the places they represent, but don't exactly fit in either. These people are judged by both sides as different, as alien. The part that stuck out to me the most was, "an American to Mexicans, a Mexican to Americans," as it shows that these bi-cultural people are seen as outsiders, like they don't belong anywhere. They're stuck on the edge and just want to be accepted for who they are.

Donald Arnold

Right away I can tell that your identity is that of a biomedical engineer. The photos allow me to see some things you're studying to become and some things you strive to be. The guy hanging onto the green arrow that's flying upward shows that you aim to be successful in your future career, and the bookcase in the library displays all the research you must endure in order to be successful. The overall feeling I get from your collage is that you hope to become a biomedical engineer and help improve the lives of everyone you're able to with your work.

Dilan Kalaria

The thing that strikes me the most in this banner is the two words "Lead It," as I assume you want to be some sort of leader. I also get the sense that you have a lot of school spirit considering the picture is of the Philly skyline, is blue and gold, and has Drexel's slogan, "Live It." One of Drexel's goals is to help you become a leader, but Drexel also wants you to learn to work on an equal level as a team. The co-ops are able to get you the experience of working in a team, so you can learn what it takes to become a leader.

Week 7

Dilan Kalaria

This is a nice edition to your essay. You took my advice and brought in more information from other sources, which really adds to the paper. The two new quotes that you used work well and flow with the rest of the paragraph and the explanations help further the points they are making. The first sentence of the revision is also a good bridge between the two ideas and brings them together in a way that makes sense. Continue to add more things akin to this in your final essay, it will become an even more nicely written and informative piece.

Week 8

Dilan Kalaria

We seem to be in agreement on many things about the Prior and Said pieces, especially in your final paragraph. We both said that each essay had its strengths and weaknesses, and you covered that quite well by splitting each piece up into categories such as depth, structure, and tone. In your second paragraph, you state that you would have liked if Prior had expanded on her paragraph about learning to read in school, to which I'm inclined to agree. Ending her talk on that subject with a link to another piece she had written almost feels like a cop out. Maybe if she were to quote some important lines and sentences within the link and expand on them a bit, and then leave the link if people would like to further read her thoughts on the matter, she would be better off. I like how in your first paragraph when you quote Prior, you explain why you feel it was such an interesting part of her essay and how she backs it up with research and sources. Nice job on your analysis.